"Nothing I do is ever good enough. I must keep pushing".
Do your hold yourself to impossible standards and rarely feel "good enough"?
Learn how this schema drives perfectionism - and how therapy can help you break free.
What is this schema about?
The Unrelenting Standards schema involves the belief that you must meet extremely high internal expectations to avoid criticism, feel worthy, or maintain control. These standards may apply to achievement, morality, organisation, appearance, or relationships — and often come at the cost of joy, rest, connection, or health.
While it can lead to success, it also fuels anxiety, rigidity, perfectionism, and self-criticism. Even when goals are met, the feeling of being “enough” never lasts.
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Internal pressure to meet high or rigid expectations
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Difficulty relaxing, celebrating, or accepting imperfection
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Self-worth tied to performance or control
How does it form?
Often develops in homes where love, approval, or attention were based on achievement or being “good.” It can also result from criticism, unpredictability, or unrealistic standards modelled by caregivers.
Unmet needs that shape this schema:
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Unconditional acceptance and love
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Space to make mistakes and rest without shame
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Recognition for effort and being, not just outcomes
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Modelling of flexibility, warmth, and imperfection
You can ask yourself:
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Were you praised mostly for achievements or appearance?
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Did you feel pressure to be “the good one” or “the best”?
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Do you struggle to rest, delegate, or tolerate mistakes?
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Are you harder on yourself than you are on others?
These can be an indication that your Unrelenting standards schema may be impacting your life and wellbeing.
Top signs the schema is present
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Burnout or chronic stress
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Perfectionism or micromanagement
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Difficulty accepting praise or letting go
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Hypercritical inner voice
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Strained relationships due to rigidity or control
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Difficulty experiencing joy, fun, or spontaneity
How does it effect me?
The impact of schemas can be seen in our behaviour, or compulsions to act even when reality is not asking this of us. For example feeling not good enough and like you are failing, even thought everything shows you're doing well and exceeding expectations. It also might make you be a workaholic, feeling like you can never relax and shut off from work.
Thoughts
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“I have to do it perfectly or not at all.”
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“If I relax, I’ll fall behind or fail.”
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“There’s no excuse for failure.”
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“People won’t respect me if I’m not exceptional.”
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Imposing standards or criticism on others
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Over-preparing or over-functioning in every area
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Becoming judgemental or rigid in beliefs
Behaviours
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Overworking or never switching off
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Re-doing tasks excessively
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Criticising self or others for minor mistakes
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Struggling to celebrate success
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Overworking or never switching off
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Re-doing tasks excessively
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Criticising self or others for minor mistakes
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Struggling to celebrate success
Emotions
Procrastinating due to fear of not being perfect
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Avoiding creative or uncertain tasks
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Evading emotional vulnerability to stay “in control”
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Difficulty relaxing or unwinding
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Constant sense of pressure.
How can therapy help
Therapy will help to build:
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More balance and self-compassion
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Improved health and emotional regulation
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Freedom to explore and be creative without fear
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Deeper, more relaxed relationships
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Increased joy and presence
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A more realistic, human view of success
We want to support you to:
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Set a realistic goal and allow it to be “good enough”
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Take a full break from work or routine guilt-free
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Practise self-compassion after a mistake
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Let someone else complete a task without controlling it
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Engage in play or leisure with no productivity goal
Change your mindset to:
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“Perfection isn’t required for worth.”
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“I am allowed to rest.”
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“Mistakes are part of being human.”
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“Done is better than perfect.”
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“People value me for who I am — not just what I do.”
Letting go of unrelenting standards allows you to breathe, rest, and feel truly enough. You’ll begin to appreciate yourself and others with more warmth, flexibility, and kindness.
Achievement becomes more meaningful, and life becomes more joyful and balanced — not just a race you’re always trying to win.
Ready to begin?
Taking the first step is often the hardest — but you don’t have to do it alone.
Reach out today to reconnect with your goals and wellbeing.
📞 0492 877 578 | 🌐 www.harbourhealthpcs.com.au